I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
