I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They are going to name an STD after you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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