you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
