My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Farmville is her only friend.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
