I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What drink are we having for lunch?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
