I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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