HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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