Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
