i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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