i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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