Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As shirtless as possible
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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