i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
