I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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