There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
