Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
