I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
FUCK WHALES
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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