You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
