Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
