I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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