Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
