I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
