Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
