Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
