I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
