my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
