I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
