Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
