For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Couch. On fire.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
