true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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