you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
