we have pet lesbian snakes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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