I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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