The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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