i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize