have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
