I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please come you make the beer taste better
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
