I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize