very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize