It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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