I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
