Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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