why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
