my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
