in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that's an acceptable place to lick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
