Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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