Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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