i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
