I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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