U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
