I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone came in the potted fern
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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