today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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