yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now