apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place