saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked