don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
