i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
