I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Farmville is her only friend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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