I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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