I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
