i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
