just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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