I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
