He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
